Training myself to be still

be still

Sometimes I am almost terrified to be still with God.

I worry a lot, about a lot.

Instead of going to God with my anxious feelings, I worry.  Somehow I think the worry will conquer something…it doesn’t.

I often think that if I am still long enough with God, he will want to show me things I need to change.  Most days I can’t even go to that thought of changing myself.  I am just tired, I’m overwhelmed, and just weary from life.  Change is often hard for me and just the thought of one more thing on my plate to work harder at is plain old exhausting.

Lately when I have been running and painting I have had a lot of time to think and sort of go over why I automatically think that God wants to tell me the things I need to change.

Why do I think he wants me to feel guilty about the things I am not “perfect” at?

What if God just wants me to be still and know that He loves me?  What if He just wants me to be reminded that today He is with me…  What is He wants me to be still with Him so I can hear His gently voice telling me He cares about it all, every small detail of my day?

I am practicing a new method of combating my worries and my anxious thoughts.  Super silly and ridiously simple, but I put on some music, sit down, close my eyes, and repeat His words.

I repeat over and over that He is God, the ruler of all.

I repeat that He is sovereign and nothing is out of His control.

I remind myself over and over again how He loves me unconditionally.

How his view of me is so different than how I see myself.

He sees me as whole and not broken, and rejoices in the fact that I am not perfect.  Because if I was He wouldn’t be needed.

I thank God that His perfect grace fills in the cracks in my broken life.

I let the promises sink in and breathe.  I breathe every word in as slowly as its needed.

I am daily retraining my fleshly view of God to be less about guilt and more about love.  Thankfully His love is more abundant than I could ever imagine.

 

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