Wrecked

I have talked a lot about how I am a type A personality.

Which is a nice way of saying I like control – like a lot.

My perfect life would consist of a Q&A page where I can ask God any question about the future, and recieve a reassuring “specific” answer, in a timely fashion of course.  There would be no worrying, no doubting, no overanalyzing, no fear of the unknown.

Sadly in my real life- there is no Q&A page.  I am pushed to navigate through all my questions myself and have faith.  While pushing myself to surrender to a God that is in more in control than I will ever be.

This week, my husband told me about this sermon he had listened to, which he said pretty much wrecked him.  It’s called “Jesus and We” and its by Craig Groeschel.  Even at 4 minutes in, I could tell that this would be one that would challenege my inner thought process.

“You can have faith, or you can have control – you can’t have both” he said.  This is the exact moment in his message where I got wrecked as well.  I can have faith or I can have control, but I can’t have both.  Seriously I need to get a tattoo of this or something.  (Well I mean I’d  like to think I would get a tattoo if I was brave and not worried I would change my mind the next day – major control & fear issues people – one day at a time!)  But for real, when you start to say this over and over, and really let it sink in, it kinda does wreck you.

photo-3

It wrecks your thinking.

It wrecks the way you make decisions.

It wrecks your cute little pintrest perfect life that you’ve been striving towards.

It just flat out wrecks you.

I want so badly to have the kind of faith that pleases God, the kind of faith that doesn’t doubt, the kind of faith that has no fear of the unknown.  Most days I wonder if my desire for control outweighs my desire for that kind of faith?  I have some things on my heart that I truly believe God has placed there.  Things I can’t stop thinking about, no matter how hard or crazy they seem.  The amount of courage and faith it would take to put these into action overwhelms me because I know I would be loosing the “control” I think I have within my life.

If your wondering what one of my new signs will be for this year – you can bet a design is coming for this quote!

Because I need to be wrecked by this on a daily basis.  If I want to live this life that I believe God has called us all to live, I need to have faith more than I need to have control.  We all do.

Praying right now for God to give me a greater desire for FAITH than for CONTROL.

Screen Shot 2014-03-07 at 7.06.55 AM