swallowed up

When we finally reconnect at the end of the day, my husband and I will ask how each other’s day was.  Frequently, its a quick bullet point review of what the kids did, who he met with, what I picked up.  Sometimes, its just a sigh followed by just a few short words.

The other day it was,

“I feel swallowed up.”

Grammer aside, it was the exact thought floating through my head.

Swallowed up by all of the things I need to be directing in our life.  Swallowed up by the amount of fear I feel sometimes sending my kids off to school where I can’t protect them.  Swallowed up by the amount of stuff we have, that I am cleaning up, organizing, and putting away.  Swallowed up by the pain in people’s eyes around me.  Swallowed up by the pressure I have to keep our family connected to each other.  Swallowed up by decisions that I can’t even let myself think about yet.

Swallowed up by the heaviness of a life that seems unbearable to hold up.

Funny thing how even though I know that God is bigger than it all.  I still picture myself standing all alone holding it all up.  Watching the waters rise around me, feeling as if its about to swallow me.  Like an island about to be washed away, forever.

Why is it after years of seeing God’s goodness and recognizing His provision, I often avoid his refuge?  Why do I not run to His word and let those words cover me?  I need to be dwelling in Him instead of dwelling in my worries.

He who dwells in the shelter of the most high will abide in he shadow of the almighty – Psalm 91:1

Circumstances in life are so easily overwhelming, often leaving us feeling swallowed up.  Our eyes need to be upwards and less inward; bringing our eyes out of focus on the things around us and more into focus on His love for us.  We find strength when we adjust our focus on God’s character.

You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word -Psalm 119:114

There is not an emotion we feel that God cannot redeem.  As sure as my eyes close for the night and open for the sun I am reminded that His refuge is greater than anything I can provide for myself.  There is a longing in each one of us to feel taken care of,  and there is someone who will fulfill that longing for us.  Though His words may sometimes not seem like enough, they provide something this world cannot give; hope.

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